Welcome to Embrace Your Center where we focus on topics surrounding fertility, perinatal and grief issues. Today we are talking about reconnecting with our love relationships through the family building journey.
Articles of possible interest:
2014 infertility and divorce article http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/aogs.12317/abstract;jsessionid=0A7F271DBE6613F0D1D048C24BDE2E94.f01t01
2010 marriage and divorce statistics after pregnancy loss https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2883880/
2004 couples relationships change with the addition of a child https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/14681990410001715391?src=recsys&journalCode=csmt20
- The heart – emotional responses
- As a couple, you may periods of highs of hope and excitement as well as lows of despair, disappointment, and grief.
- Incongruency within the relationship with differences of feelings, communication styles or thinking one needs to be strong for the other.
- Neither one of you can “fix” the problem.
- The struggle and adjustment is at the root of each of your responses.
Helpful tip: Improve communication.
- Recognize your role during family building IS NOT to “fix” your partner’s hurt.
- Your role IS TO LISTEN and then let your partner know they are seen and heard.
- Steps: Identify role of listener – just listen or help find a solution. Share thoughts. Listener repeats some of the key points that were shared to confirm understanding.
It seems like simple communication. However, we generally don’t do this in everyday discussions. In all honesty, I’m assuming that you have some basic communication within your relationship. If this piece is a considerable issue, a marriage therapist is a great support tool to help you through. Otherwise, Give it a try and see how it works for you.
- Intimacy
- Women
- many appointments, tests, ultrasounds, explore nutrition and wellness possibilities.
- may not be feeling sexy
- Men
- less appointments and daily interaction with the process.
- may have almost no interaction.
- may feel isolated or pushed to the side
Helpful tip: Maintaining intimacy is the responsibility of both partners.
- Find time to quietly be, even without touch, can be so intimate.
- Share parts of your day.
- If you need a hug, ask for one.
- Find ways to close the space between you.
- Snuggle, find those tender moments, and hold hands.
Intimacy is a staple in your relationship. Your intimacy is too important and will continue to need attention as your family grows.
- Different perspectives of who holds the struggle and who is supporting
- The partner with the concern
- may feel guilt, shame, fear, worry and disconnected with their own body
- may fears the relationship will end
- The partner who is supporting
- may not know how to best support
- may lose patience in their supporting role
- they are concerned and confused by the isolation of their loved one rather than considering leaving the relationship
Helpful tip: Rekindling the “spark” you once had can help the confidence within the relationship. Create a list of things you fell in love with about your partner and things you have enjoyed in your relationship. Find ways to let your partner know you value these characteristics about them.
It’s simple. These little actions show that we are thinking of each other throughout the day and that we know each other.
Talk to each other, Hold each other, and think of each other.
If you do those three things, you will help your relationship survive this time of family building and will continue to provide a stable foundation for your relationship as challenges arise in the future. Relationships are tough and they take work. Love is worth it
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